Why Gnomes

Let me introduce you to gnomes, or as I like to call them G.N.O.M.E.S. (Grouchy Nongregarious Old Misers of Elfish appearance and Size). Gnomes came from the icy lands of Scandinavia and then, about 1500 years ago, they migrated to the rest of Europe. They are actually known by several different names depending on where you go. In different areas of Germany, they are called Erdmanleins or Heinzemannchens (say those 10 times fast). In Iceland, they are called Foddenskkmaend. Switzerland and Luxembourg prefer Kleinmanneken. Nisse is their name in Denmark and Norway, or Nissen in Sweden. And the list goes on (did you want to know all that, Major Bubbles?). There are several varieties as well: garden, lawn, and forest to name a few. They are approximately 15 centimeters in height, have impeccable eyesight, and are very fast. They are exceedingly clever at hiding. In fact, if you have a garden gnome, keep an eye open or it may conceal itself in your shrubbery. They are the guardians of treasures and they try to stay far away from humans. Is this an entirely male species? No, there are, in fact, female gnomes. And did you know that these little people have an aversion to cats? Fascinating.

You may ask how I first encountered a lawn gnome. Well, here is the awe-inspiring story. I was visiting my friend (she lived up in the mountains) when we decided to play hide-n-seek outside. She was counting first and so I dashed up a path into the woods. Tiptoeing swiftly and stealthily, I felt a sharp pain shoot up my leg. Hopping on one foot, I noticed a shriveled, evil looking man made out of ceramic. Picking up the gnome, I cautiously inspected it closely. Then, realizing the game was still afoot (I had stubbed my toe. HA!) I hobbled away. I swear I heard faint laughter in the background…and it didn’t sound like my friend. Dun, Dun DUH!!!! After this odd introduction, I began noticing gnomes everywhere. They were in gardens, on lawns, in potted plants, and other various locations. It became intriguing to me, trying to find these ornery, bearded folk. They never seem to be in the same place twice and they’re always slightly obscured from view. Can they come to life? I guess we’ll never know.

I have to admit, I love the fact that gnomes are small…like me (that’s their most endearing feature)! They are much too grumpy in my opinion, but wouldn’t you be irritable if people kept knocking you over and disturbing your solitude? I also have an appreciation for their seclusion. As a human, I can’t live every moment in a hole, but I definitely put my emotions in one (most of the time). They don’t dress to impress as we do. We’re trying to meet people, not scare them off with old geezer apparel. They couldn’t care less. But it brings me a smile every time I see their baggy shirt and pants, the buckle around their middle (Over the shirt, big fashion no-no. I mean the 80’s are SO over). And I only know a few men who could pull off the beard/hat combo. What’s not to like about gnomes? So, I implore you, treat them with respect. Unless of course one trips you for no reason and laughs maniacally. Then I give you permission to knock him over and take his treasure.