Tranquilizer Anyone?

I’m trying something new. First off, I need to share some information about myself so let me state some facts. I’m a woman. (Uh…Duh, Annie!) As such, I tend to be more emotional than I would prefer. (Another news flash, I’m sure.) I’m also very intelligent. If there is one thing that should be known about me, it’s this: I dislike being “talked down” to in any circumstance or being treated in a patronizing manner. Of course, that also depends on who is doing the talking. If it’s a boss or one who is in authority (i.e. knows more about the subject in question), I don’t feel quite so vehement. If it is a teacher or instructor, I also have no problem. However, when it is someone who is on a similar level or is below me in rank (can you tell I’m talking about work?), I find it extremely condescending and most irritating.

However, as I said, I’m trying something new. I’m trying to maintain a level of emotional tranquility. I have been such a roller coaster in the past. It’s something I have always wanted to change. As I read an LDS book called “Our Search for Happiness”, those two words struck me: “emotional tranquility”. I suddenly had a mental picture of my emotional self running around like a mad woman and then being shot with a tranquilizer dart. That alternate self was immediately sedated and sent into a calm, cool-headed condition. She was not easily provoked and had unparalleled control over herself and her temperament.

Now, I’m not really an anxious person. I try to have a positive outlook. But I certainly can get myself riled up. Ask my family. Now, when I start heading down the road of provocation, I remember the words, “emotional tranquility.” So far, it calms me down. It has helped me to imagine that emotional basket case and envision her as she turns into a serene, composed woman. This has been an interesting trial run to say the least.

Since making this mental change, I have had repeated instances (that would have previously driven me up the wall) where I have put this mind game into action. For example, since I got to work today, several of my coworkers have been talking “down” to me. They have treated me as if I have no common sense. I guess if you think about it, common sense really isn’t that common, but I am on of those individuals who use common sense. I promise. Anyways, these associates have been more on the condescending side and it started getting on my nerves. As I wrote earlier, being patronized really boils my potatoes. Being treated like I don’t know a Twinkie from a donut or Skittles from M&M’s is not my favorite pastime. But in the process of writing this blog and repeatedly thinking, “Be Tranquil.” I’ve given the old mental tranquilizer dart the time to kick in.

Isn’t it wonderful that we can choose how to react to things?! Choice is such an important part of life: difficult at times, but worth it.

Now, I choose to go get some lunch. If you couldn’t tell, I’m hungry! (Mmmm…donuts!)

Change is Hard

Have you ever given advice to someone and realized it was the very thing you needed to hear? That happened to me last Saturday. As I mentioned in my last post, I have recently been plagued with some unforeseen and unwelcome trials. I was hurt deeply. At first I thought I would be able to deal with the situation in an admirable way. However, I have learned over the years that when there is a loss, any kind of loss, there will inevitably be a stage of mourning. This mourning process has been going on too long for me. It sometimes feels as if the emotional roller coaster is going to send me to an early demise. Anger, sadness, hate, pride, fear, resentment, guilt, etc. have been driving me straight to the loony bin…in a padded vehicle…with no windows…or door handles. It’s very dark in here.

Seriously folks, I was complaining to my mom on Saturday. She watched quietly as I riled myself into an anger induced frenzy (okay, it wasn’t exactly a frenzy, but I did rile myself up). She said I wasn’t moving past these issues because I just continued to add wood to the fire. She expertly told me, “Annie, you can’t change the past. You can’t change others. You can only change yourself and the way you view and deal with things.” I agreed but continued to complain about complainers. Ironic, I know. I said, “What is the use in complaining about minute annoyances. Complaining only opens the door for more irritations to surface. And complaining to other ABOUT OTHERS only hurts you…and the person you’re complaining to…and the one you’re complaining about if they found out.” Then I paused. You know how it is when you stop in your tracks and look off in the distance; realization smacking you right in the face. Oh yes, the old adage came screaming at me: “Practice what you preach!”

I shook my head at myself. Complaining truly lays the ground work for more irritations to surface. At work, for example, there is a person and there are annoyances that work my last nerve. I would complain frequently to my family and roomates about this person and evey day I'd see more and more irritations. I finally realized a while ago that there is nothing I can do to change this person or fix those annoying occurrences, so I just have to change my attitude. Guess what? It works! This person and those little things hardly bother me now. I realized that I needed to transfer that view into this current situation. I can’t change the past. I can’t change others. But I can change my attitude, my view, and how I deal with this situation. In order to do this, I realized that I needed to stop complaining. I’m human so the odd complaint will happen. But I need to be more cognizant of what escapes my lips. I do not have power over what I have already said, but I can control what I say from now on.

So I encourage all of you to be aware of what you are saying. The odd complaint is part of life, but when it becomes excessive, it can be detrimental not only to ourselves, but to others also. I’m so glad that I have control over my actions and that I can change! Change is hard, but it can certainly be wonderful!

I'm Not Entirely a Slacker

I regret that I haven’t written in the past two months. Sometimes, life is full of moments that can’t be written about. I have had an inordinate amount of those events as of late. They are moments that I feel I am unable to disclose. It’s not that I don’t want to spill the entirety of my thoughts out into the vast reaches of the Internet. Believe me; the thoughts, feelings, and confusion alone would go on for quite a while. I just haven't been able to figure out a way to put anything into words...or if I should even make an attempt. I guess I've realized that some things are better left unsaid.

Believe it or not, I recently celebrated my 25th birthday. Yes, I am a quarter of a century in age. Inconceivable! It’s certainly weird thinking I am now in my mid-twenties. I’ll just have to wait and see what the next 75 years or so bring!

Whoa, do I want to live to be one hundred? Hmmm…something else to ponder about.

Pi-Day/My Day

It started out as Pi-Day but it turned out to be much more… 

Sorry guys, I have this random announcer voice in my brain.  It appears frequently.  I should have written about this a week ago, but I've been quite busy.  The day was indeed Pi-Day or as normal people would call it, March 14, 2009.  I had one of the most amazing and over-whelming days of my life.  I was able to go through the Ogden Temple.  This is a momentous occasion for those in my religion.  Most individuals go through before their mission or before being sealed (married) in the Temple.  I did not go through for either of those reasons.  I went through for myself.  It is one of the best decisions I have ever made even though I had to wait for it. 

Almost four years ago, I turned 21.  I fasted and prayed about going on a mission and it wasn’t right for me at that time but I felt that I had a mission to serve here at home (I believe that mission was my service on the dance team and in the choir).  However, it also felt like the right time to go through the Temple.  I approached my bishop and he dug around to find out if I could.  I was rejected.  He told me that the church leaders wanted the young women to be at least 23 before they went through unless, of course, they were going on a mission or getting married.  At the age of 23, I went back only to be rejected a second time.  I became extremely discouraged.  A year and a half later (this last January), my friend Jewelsp decided to meet with the Bishop in regards to that very topic.  She was given a very encouraging answer.  If it weren’t for her following her own personal prompting, I probably wouldn’t have dared approach my current bishop.  But I did and now I have received some very sacred gifts and blessings.

 I’m very grateful that I was required to wait.  First of all, seven months ago my roommates and I set aside one night a week to do baptisms and in so doing established a place in our lives for the things of the Temple.  And Second, I felt much more ready than I would have four years ago or even seven months ago.  I was open to the things I learned and was prepared for the covenants that I made.  I feel so blessed and very special.  According to my Mom and roommates I act different: more confident, happier, peaceful, and tolerant.  I’m glad because honestly, last year I had the worst attitude.  When this year rolled around, I was determined to change that attitude and I believe it has happened…for the most part.  I still have the feisty and stubborn Annie in me. 

 Anyway, my family and I went to The Sizzler after.  I am so grateful for my fantastic family!  They are the best support system and I’m so glad that we are a forever family!  It would not be heaven without them.  I love you guys! 

In spite of the wonderful events, there was one thing missing: 

Pie.

It's Not What You Think

Last night brought about an event that was a first in the Book of Annie. I went to a bar. I’ll wait…I can almost hear the inevitable gasps. Actually, it wasn’t really a first. When I was in France, I went to a bar and was kicked out for buying a Coke. But last night was the first time I’ve been to an honest to goodness “show your ID or get booted out” bar. The funny thing is that it was my entire families first time also. It made me feel better. Yes, it was a family excursion. It was rather obvious that it was foreign territory by the way our eyes cautiously darted around the room and the way we hesitantly ordered Diet Cokes. But you are probably wondering why we had such an abnormal family night. Allow me to explain.

My brother is the lead singer in a band called Beckond. They are incredible! They had a gig last night at Teazer’s in Ogden and they were selling their first CD for $5; an opportunity we couldn’t pass up. But you have to understand. My family is very supportive of each other and we really just wanted to be there for the guys. We “groupies” try to go to all their shows and have only missed a select few. It was an odd experience, I must say. It’s rather difficult being a single, alcohol-free, LDS woman in a bar. I found myself looking at some of the guys and thinking, “He’s attractive…but wait. He’s in a bar. He’s probably a drinker. Dang-it!” There were a few people there that I know were just supporting the band and not involving themselves in the ubiquitous alcohol. But how is a girl supposed to deduce who is a drinker and who isn’t? That, my friends, is why (even though one of my bosses told me I need to “find someone” and that I should expand my social circle) I don’t go to clubs and bars. Besides the fact that I hate the atmosphere, I don’t drink (never have), don’t smoke, don’t dress skimpily, and am trying to live righteously. Hence, no bars for me!

Funny story: One guy came up to my sister-in-law. He was obviously inebriated. He asked her if she wanted to dance. She couldn’t understand him because it was extremely loud. I heard and tried to tell her what he said. He repeated himself about three times. I finally turned to the guy and said, “Um…she’s married.” You should have seen how fast he vacated the area. When I told my brother (because I thought it was rather humorous), I swear, there was steam coming out of his ears. What can you do? The dude was drunk and Yuni is “smoking hot”! (I was quoting my brother there. But he’s right. She is a gorgeous woman.)

So…I just enjoyed the music. Believe me; Beckond has every chance at making it big! And I think they will! Way to go Rye, Brody, Trent, Jared, and Brad! You guys ROCK! (The funny thing is that I think my brother is the only one that will ever see this. Oh well.)

New Years Excitement

Happy New Year friends! Are you ready for another short post? Well, you should be. I have so much to write about and yet for some reason, I can’t seem to find the words. I’m sure they’re in the dictionary, but they’re evading me. (I know…that was a horrible attempt at a joke.)

In spite of my obvious lack of inspiration, I really just wanted to complain to the world, or rather, my few wonderful readers. I miss my piano! I miss accompanying so much! I wish I had the room for a piano in my new place. It’s amazing how an instrument can become so much a part of who you are as an individual. I literally feel as if I’ve lost an appendage. I play whenever I get the chance, but those opportunities seem few and far between. I know…poor Annie! Feel sorry for me! You should know I’m rolling my eyes right now. I’m finding that I frequently shake my head at myself. But don’t we all?

Apparently this won’t be as short as I anticipated because I just found a word: Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (The fear of long words). Not only did I feel that this word would touch you to your very core, I felt that I should waste your time by adding it randomly. Mwah ha ha! Yes, well…moving on.

I did want to let you know that my new ward is truly incredible. It fits me and my roommates like the proverbial glove. Most of the ward members are older which is just what we needed. They are genuine, friendly and very welcoming. I couldn’t ask for better people. Also my friends and I have discovered that there are in fact several attractive men. There is one guy in particular that I would love to go on a date with…[wistful, girly sigh]…someday! [Overdramatic Eye Roll] Anyway, I am hoping for the best in that department.

Now is the time to wait and see what life brings and honestly, I don’t mind waiting. Wow, I never thought I’d say that. I’m excited for this New Year! There are thrilling adventures ahead…I can feel it.