Whiteout

Today I realized that there are many modern day miracles. There’s duct tape, safety pins, band-aids, erasable pens, super glue, and the list goes on. The latter day wonder I’d like to focus on is whiteout. It’s incredible! You make a mistake and bippity-boppity-whiteout it’s fixed. What makes it even better is that there are many different kinds that will meet each individual need. Correction fluid (in the bottle), the pen, the tape (my favorite), labels, stamps, and even erasers are available. It’s a wonderful thing. It makes me think of a well-known joke and being a smart blonde, I’m allowed to say this. How can you tell that a blonde has been using the computer? There is whiteout on the monitor. Classic! That doesn’t work anyway. When you put whiteout on the screen and continue to type, the error keeps scrolling higher, more correction fluid is required, and the monitor then has a strip of white down the middle. Not that I know from experience or anything. Really, I’m not that dumb.

The only problem with whiteout is that it only works on paper (or various other office supplies). Sometimes I wish I could blot out things that happened in my life. Let me give you a couple of examples. There is this lady that comes into my work monthly. One of the first times I helped her, she yelled at me about something that wasn’t my fault. Being a sensitive soul, I fought back tears trying to remember that she was upset by the situation, not me. That was hard considering that she began calling me incompetent. I really don’t like it when my intelligence is belittled, so she automatically went on my bad list. I try not to be the one that helps her when she comes. About three weeks ago, I saw her walking in and I was the only one available to help her. I got her item off the shelf before she had made it to the front and she said nicely, “You know my name? Wow, that must mean I come in here too much.” “No, I just have a good memory…” of when you ripped me apart, you Old Bat. I know…that was a harsh thing to think. She was very nice to me when she got what she wanted. If I had met her at that moment, I might have liked her. I wish I could use whiteout to forget how rude she was. Maybe she was having a bad day or was frustrated, but all I can remember is being told I’m incompetent.

Another event that I would like to erase is the date I went on last Saturday. It was my first date with the guy. He told me (towards the end of the date) that he wants to get to know me better. Then proceeded to say that he’s looking for a serious, long-term relationship. He said some very sweet things about me, but when I said I wasn’t ready to promise anything, he retorted, “Are you not ready or are you scared?” Uh…both. I’m not ready to have this conversation on the first date and now I’m scared of you. I even told him I had never had anyone bring up a relationship conversation like that and I felt very awkward. He said, “You know, I can feel the awkwardness and I don’t mind.” I MINDED!! Oh, how I wish I had a giant wand with correction fluid. I would wipe that entire conversation away. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could go back in the past? I would go and put a flashing neon light on that page of my life that read, “Don’t go on a date with him. He’ll try to play ‘Celestial Pursuit’ with you, and he’ll use the commitment pattern.” (Shudder) Wrong in so many ways. I would like to erase that memory completely.

There are also mistakes that I’ve done. Things that I won’t write about, but that have affected me. Those are probably what have shaped me into the person I am today. If I look at the person I am now and the person I used to be, maybe I don’t want to wipe out those events. I would never have learned, never have grown. (Well, I haven’t grown physically. But you get what I mean.) Maybe time is the ultimate whiteout. If we allow time to work it’s magic, the wounds of the past will not be erased, but covered with a newer, fresher memory. “Isn’t it about…time?" (from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints). Now, if you will excuse me, I need to clean the white stuff off my monitor before my dad gets home.