Clichés

I’ve had an idea bouncing in my head for a while since I wrote the blog using song titles. I’ve noticed how frequently our society uses clichés. So, I thought it would be fun (for me at any rate) to try and write a blog using clichés, proverbs, expressions, stuff like that. My Grandma and Grandpa were known for their use of clichés, so this is in honor of them. My brother used to go every week to mow their lawn and he and our Grandpa would usually stay outside and talk for hours. I know they talked about anything and everything, but I’m just making up this conversation. Anyway, we’ll see how this goes.

“Hey Grandpa, I came to mow the lawn.” Ryan hollered. Grandpa entered the room, “Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle, I didn’t think you were coming until Saturday.” “Well, I have a date Saturday and I didn’t want to leave you hanging. Besides, you’ve always said that the early bird gets the worm, right?” “You have a date? You’re sure this isn’t some pipe dream?” “Grandpa, you know I date. Besides, asking this girl out was a piece of cake. I just went up to her and said ‘Who’s your Daddy?’” Grandpa shook his finger, “Now don’t give me that cock and bull story. If you did that, you would be looking down the barrel of a gun. Now spill the beans. What really happened?” Ryan laughed, “Alright, I was just pulling your leg. I was really nervous. I felt like a sitting duck.” “Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.” “I know, so I took the plunge and asked her out. Luckily, she said yes. If not, I would have been down in the dumps.” Grandpa advised, “Just don’t put all your eggs in one basket and mind your p’s and q’s. I know from experience that Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

Ryan went quiet. He was pondering what Grandpa had just told him. Grandpa quipped, “Cat got your tongue, boy? Penny for your thoughts.” Ryan sighed, “I feel like my backs against the wall. I want to do something fun, but I want to make ends meet. You see, I’m saving for a rainy day. I saw a sweet Nissan 350Z that I want to buy. It’s extremely expensive and I don’t want to lose my saving at the drop of a hat. What if I go over the top and spend too much on this date? She a nice girl, but you can’t have your cake and eat it too.” Grandpa snickered, “Dag Nabbit, pardon my french. You’re a chip off the old block. But you have to remember, there ain’t no such thing as a free lunch. You have to take the bull by the horns and go the whole nine yards. Now that doesn’t mean that you have to break the bank. But if you play your cards right, you can have the best of both worlds. In a nutshell, you need to bring home the bacon and have a picnic.” Ryan rolled his eyes, “Grandpa, give me a break.” Grandpa goes on, “Now hear me out. Pull out all the stops and kill her with kindness. You hold all the cards. Just be you and she’ll be as pleased as punch.” Ryan heaved a sigh of relief, “Thanks Grandpa. I better get mowing before it starts raining cats and dogs.” “Well, son of a gun, the sky is looking angry. Don’t get your knickers in a twist, I’ll hold down the fort. I should come out and help. There’s no rest for the wicked.” So, Ryan and Grandpa went outside to work, and that’s the bottom line.