Dreams

Note: The following blog is not a real life situation. As much as I would like it to be, it is not based on a true story. This is merely a story, one that is similar to most single girls daydreams. I used song titles (highlighted) to create this “fairy tale” so enjoy what I did to waste the afternoon. I certainly had fun!

‘Once Upon a Time’ on a ‘Monday, Monday’, ‘Maria’ was sitting in class. She was thinking about ‘Johnny Angel’. They had dated ‘Time after Time’ but lately she felt ‘Confused’. He had been surrounded by ‘Seven Little Girls’ and didn’t seem to mind the attention. On their last date, he’d held her hand and said, ‘You are My Sunshine’. She wanted to continue down this new, exciting path, but she didn’t feel that he wanted things to go in the ‘Same Direction’. She thought, “It’s ‘Easier to Run’ and ‘Escape’ this confusion, but I need to ‘Face the Music’. It’s ‘Now or Never’.” So, she pulled Johnny aside after class and said, tears streaming down her face, “I am ‘Going Out of My Head’. ‘You’re Driving me Crazy’. You continually ‘Pass Me By’ in class. I feel ‘Faint’ and ‘Numb’. ‘If’ you would even look at me, you’d see that I live ‘In a Glass House’. My emotions are on my sleeves, because ‘I’ve Got a Crush on You’. ‘Someday’, I hope you’ll feel the same way. But ‘Till Then’ I want you to know ‘I will Wait for You’.” He quickly responded, “‘Hey Look, No Crying’. ‘Dry Your Eyes’, Maria. I have been as ‘Thick as a Brick’. You could call me the ‘21st Century Schizoid Man’. ‘If I Only Had a Brain’ I would be able to see your ‘Feelings’ through your ‘Blue Eyes’. But I think ‘You’d Be Surprised’. You’re ‘The Only One’ for me.” With a sigh of relief, Maria exclaimed, “Then ‘Make Me a Believer’. ‘Be Good Johnny’ and you should ‘Call Me’ sometime soon.”

That Friday, Johnny called her and asked, “‘Are you Lonesome Tonight?’ I think that we should do something fun. ‘Let’s Go Fly a kite’.” She laughed, “But ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’.” “Alright, then ‘Come Waltz with Me’. Or we could do the ‘Mambo Italiano’.” She agreed with haste. Later that night, while she was getting ready, she thought, “‘As Time Goes By’, I do believe that ‘Now is the Hour’. He should be here any minute. This will be ‘Some Enchanted Evening’.” The doorbell rang and she flew to answer the door. Johnny stood stunned, his mouth hanging slightly open, “Wow, You are ‘The Most Beautiful Girl in the World’.” He took her hand and helped her into his ‘Little Red Corvette’.

As they arrived at the dance, they were shocked to hear one girl say, “No! ‘I Won’t Dance’. But I think ‘I Feel a Song Coming On’.” Maria whispered to Johnny, “Well, ‘Here’s to the Losers’. How about we ‘Run Away’ from them.” Laughing, he replied. “‘I get a Kick Out of You’.” They made their way to the dance floor and Johnny turned with a deep bow, “My lady, ‘May I Have this Dance’?” “Of course!” “I must warn you, however, ‘I like to Lead When I Dance’.” “That’s fine, ‘I Wouldn’t Have You Any Other Way’.” They began floating around the dance floor when a young man stopped them and said to Johnny, “‘So She Dances’?” Taken back, Johnny replied, “Yes, ‘My Lady Loves to Dance’.” The young man turned to Maria and said, “Would you like to leave this guy and come ‘Dance with Me’? You know, it ‘Takes Two to Tango’.” Johnny stepped in, “Hey, that’s ‘My Girl’! Go find someone else.” The young man skulked away. “Thanks Johnny. Why do guys do that? I hate feeling like ‘Another Piece of Meat’.” “Well, I’m not surprised. With ‘The Way You Look Tonight’, guys are bound to come check out ‘You and Your Beautiful Eyes’.” The night eventually came to a close and they announced ‘The Last Dance’. Johnny whispered, “Why don’t you ‘Put Your Head on my Shoulder’.” Maria willingly complied and they began to ‘Sway’. The song ended too quickly, but Maria was thrilled as they exited ‘Hand in Hand’.

As they got ‘Closer to Home’, Johnny suddenly exclaimed, “I have an idea. ‘Let’s Fall in Love’!” Maria’s eyes widened, “You need to ‘Be Careful, It’s My Heart’ you’re talking about. ‘Don’t Break My Heart’.” “Just ‘Think About It’.” Meanwhile, the neighbor was watching from the window. She turned to her husband and said, “Honey, they’re back and ‘It Looks Like Love’. I’d say ‘That’s Amore’, wouldn’t you?” He rolled his eyes, “Quit ‘Window Dreaming’ and ‘Let Them Talk’ in privacy.” Johnny and Maria walked to the porch and Johnny said, “Come here, you ‘Embraceable You’. I want to be ‘Closer to You’.” Maria giggled, “Ok, ‘Hold Me, Hug Me, Rock Me’ and ‘Never Let Go’.” He gave her ‘The Look’ and whispered, “‘Besame Mucho’.” Maria was stunned. She’d never been kissed before and she thought, “‘Oh Boy! Oh Boy! Oh Boy! Oh Boy! Oh Boy!’” Instead of saying that, however, she replied, “‘Excuse Me’? I do believe that’s the ‘Man’s Job’. You need to make that move.” “Come on, Maria. ‘Let the Rest of the World Go By’ and ‘Let Me Kiss You’.” With a smile, she closed her eyes and leaned in. His face filled with fear as he quickly planted a kiss on her; only it missed her lips and hit her nose. Her eyes flew open as he said, embarrassed, “I’m sorry. I need to ‘Apologize’ because I don’t have a lot of ‘Experience’ in this area. Can I have ‘Just One More Chance’?” Maria grinned and winked, “Alright, ‘Try Again’ but don’t make ‘The Same Mistake’.” Laughter released the tension that they both were feeling. ‘The Second Time Around’, Maria felt like it was ‘Better Than a Dream’. Her pulse was racing and her heart cried ‘Ring-A Ding Ding’. Johnny pulled away and said, “Maria, ‘I Think I Love You’.” She melted and asked, “Do you mean that? Or are you just ‘Hooked on a Feeling’?” “What I feel will last…‘Only Forever’. But now, ‘I Really Must be Going’.” He touched her face and she sighed, “Johnny, ‘I Love the Way You Say Goodnight’.” “Then I’ll say it again, ‘Goodnight, My Love’.”

Maria was ‘Overjoyed’. She felt like she was ‘On the Top of the World’. In fact, she was either ‘Walking on Sunshine’ or she’d swigged a whole bottle of ‘Love Potion Number Nine’. She prayed that this relationship would last not ‘Just for Tonight’, but for ‘Forever and a Day’.

Ok ladies, you can take a ‘Breath’ now. And guys, you can stop laughing, but I understand because ‘I Love to Laugh’. I guess this is the kind of blog you get when I’m ‘Deep in a Dream’. But I choose to believe that ‘We’re Lovers of Loving Love’. Most people like a good ‘Love Story’! Granted, there are people who believe that ‘Love Stinks’. But there are people like me who constantly ‘Daydream’. We are those individuals who go ‘All Through the Night’ and ‘Dream the Dream’ that ‘Love is on the Way’. Truly, ‘This is My Life’ and the life of those ‘Poor Unfortunate Souls’ like me. But I say to you now, go ahead and indulge yourself in a ‘Fantastic Dream’. Let it carry your heart ‘Up, Up and Away’ so that you reach the ‘Rainbow Connection’. And so, ‘Goodnight, My Someone’ I will be ‘Dreaming of You’ tonight. Which reminds me, ‘I Had the Craziest Dream’…

Whiteout

Today I realized that there are many modern day miracles. There’s duct tape, safety pins, band-aids, erasable pens, super glue, and the list goes on. The latter day wonder I’d like to focus on is whiteout. It’s incredible! You make a mistake and bippity-boppity-whiteout it’s fixed. What makes it even better is that there are many different kinds that will meet each individual need. Correction fluid (in the bottle), the pen, the tape (my favorite), labels, stamps, and even erasers are available. It’s a wonderful thing. It makes me think of a well-known joke and being a smart blonde, I’m allowed to say this. How can you tell that a blonde has been using the computer? There is whiteout on the monitor. Classic! That doesn’t work anyway. When you put whiteout on the screen and continue to type, the error keeps scrolling higher, more correction fluid is required, and the monitor then has a strip of white down the middle. Not that I know from experience or anything. Really, I’m not that dumb.

The only problem with whiteout is that it only works on paper (or various other office supplies). Sometimes I wish I could blot out things that happened in my life. Let me give you a couple of examples. There is this lady that comes into my work monthly. One of the first times I helped her, she yelled at me about something that wasn’t my fault. Being a sensitive soul, I fought back tears trying to remember that she was upset by the situation, not me. That was hard considering that she began calling me incompetent. I really don’t like it when my intelligence is belittled, so she automatically went on my bad list. I try not to be the one that helps her when she comes. About three weeks ago, I saw her walking in and I was the only one available to help her. I got her item off the shelf before she had made it to the front and she said nicely, “You know my name? Wow, that must mean I come in here too much.” “No, I just have a good memory…” of when you ripped me apart, you Old Bat. I know…that was a harsh thing to think. She was very nice to me when she got what she wanted. If I had met her at that moment, I might have liked her. I wish I could use whiteout to forget how rude she was. Maybe she was having a bad day or was frustrated, but all I can remember is being told I’m incompetent.

Another event that I would like to erase is the date I went on last Saturday. It was my first date with the guy. He told me (towards the end of the date) that he wants to get to know me better. Then proceeded to say that he’s looking for a serious, long-term relationship. He said some very sweet things about me, but when I said I wasn’t ready to promise anything, he retorted, “Are you not ready or are you scared?” Uh…both. I’m not ready to have this conversation on the first date and now I’m scared of you. I even told him I had never had anyone bring up a relationship conversation like that and I felt very awkward. He said, “You know, I can feel the awkwardness and I don’t mind.” I MINDED!! Oh, how I wish I had a giant wand with correction fluid. I would wipe that entire conversation away. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could go back in the past? I would go and put a flashing neon light on that page of my life that read, “Don’t go on a date with him. He’ll try to play ‘Celestial Pursuit’ with you, and he’ll use the commitment pattern.” (Shudder) Wrong in so many ways. I would like to erase that memory completely.

There are also mistakes that I’ve done. Things that I won’t write about, but that have affected me. Those are probably what have shaped me into the person I am today. If I look at the person I am now and the person I used to be, maybe I don’t want to wipe out those events. I would never have learned, never have grown. (Well, I haven’t grown physically. But you get what I mean.) Maybe time is the ultimate whiteout. If we allow time to work it’s magic, the wounds of the past will not be erased, but covered with a newer, fresher memory. “Isn’t it about…time?" (from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints). Now, if you will excuse me, I need to clean the white stuff off my monitor before my dad gets home.

Meat Market

Have you ever wanted to write something but the words didn’t want to leave the cozy mush in your noggin? It feels as if someone kidnapped the words I long to use and is holding them ransom. Can you jump-start your brain? Does anyone have any jumper cables? It would have to be today, too. Wednesdays are ideal days to write my blog, because I only work until mid-morning. Therefore, I have the rest of the day to devote to other things. Of course, the cranial blockage would occur when I have enough time to waste in front of this humming box. (Sigh) But, I’ve said it before and I’ll surely say it again, “Such is life.”

Oh, wait! I just got an idea. I have discovered in life that there is no winning for losing. Those of you who have been faithful readers know how frustrating I find the dating world. How can you tell that someone is attracted to you? How do you let them know you’re attracted to them without throwing your heart on the floor and doing the Cha-cha on top? I have been watching others to see how they accomplish this feat and have been trying to weave the techniques into the loom that is my life. (Wow, I sure use a lot of metaphors) I noticed during the “people watching” that others were watching me.

While singing in my car two weeks ago, I glanced out the passenger window at the car next to mine. There were 4 young men ogling me. Yes, ogling. Normal girls would find this of the ultimate flattery. I find it entirely degrading. Sure, it’s nice to feel attractive. But when you have been metaphorically turned into grade-A meat, it makes you feel like you’re hanging on a rack in a freezer. What do they think I am, rump roast? Prime rib? Sirloin steak? Would I be considered rare or well done? Either way, I quickly looked away from the apes with their tongues hanging out. Gross! Over the course of the next couple weeks, I noticed not one or two but approximately ten cars with similar primates. Each checked me out as I did everything in my power not to pull a less than desirable face at them. Ignoring was my ultimate defense. These unwanted moments made me think, “Why don’t good guys notice me like that?” The fact that they are GOOD GUYS answers that question.

I’ve heard that men do not like to be referred to as “good guys”. With good girls (those girls like my friends and I), it is a sincere compliment that describes those men who live their religion, are trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent, and praiseworthy. We are seeking after these men. I can’t say if good guys notice me (sometimes I wish I could), because “good guys” do not OGLE girls. They send an appreciative glance, a smile, or a compliment (these are a few of MY favorite things). My dad told me that the difference between meat-lovers and good guys is respect. Good guys respect women and therefore look at them different. Meat-lovers look at women with only lust. Just to clarify, meat-lovers can also be women. I feel bad for the poor men who are caught in their lecherous gaze because I understand the feeling. “Look! It’s meat. Grab the cheap barbecue sauce and we’ll devour her with our eyes.” Degrading. As soon as they pull out the Steak sauce, I feel like giving them a roundhouse kick in the face. I would much rather have the guy respect me and treat me thus than eyeball me with a bottle of Western Family BBQ sauce.

And so it is, I send out my appreciation to all of the good guys out there. You are who true good girls are looking for. Thank you for not gawking at us. Please feel free to smile, glance appreciatively, and by all means, compliment us as much as you want. We LOVE it!

Love Canteen

Since Valentine's Day is just around the corner, I thought I'd lower my pride and write a topic on love (of sorts). I've never been particularly fond of “Single’s awareness day" and have always believed it was a holiday for the card companies...and candy. Since it is Major Bubble’s Anniversary, I decided to not bash the day but find some good in it. So Happy 6-month Anniversary Major…six months of what, I’m not sure! I’ll move on to my topic now.

Whenever I hear the word marriage, I stop listening. It’s a reflex that has been developing for several years. Today, I was caught off guard. While driving to my destination, I turned on the radio. They were in the middle of a story told by Glenn Rawson (he tells inspirational stories for several radio stations). He said the following, “I have heard it said that ‘men are from Mars and women are from Venus.’ Well, I don’t know about that. I think they both come from heaven, and I think that God makes them deliberately different so that the eternity they spend understanding each other and becoming one makes them one with God at the same time. Please don’t forget: Marriage is a man, a woman, and a God.” It was inspiring to me. Marriage is a beautiful thing. I believe that many people forget the third member in the marriage. If not, why would there be so many that fail?

Looking back at my Valentine’s Days past, I feel a little sheepish. I always held on to hope that some guy would come out of the woodwork and confess his undying love for me. What a hopeless romantic I am (and always will be)! I take that back…I’m a HOPEFUL romantic. No matter what I do, I always have a glimmer of it in the back of my heart. But I look at the past and see the disappointment that came yearly. I’ve never had that special someone to enjoy it with. Bitterness built up until Valentine’s became a superfluous holiday with strong commercial overtones (thanks Janel). I see now that I’ve been looking at it wrong. Even though I’m not dating anyone and this will indeed be another one of those lonely holidays, it doesn’t mean that I can’t show love in another way. There are family members and friends who I love dearly. Why can’t I show love to them, let them know how much I appreciate them? I admit, it would be much more enjoyable “with” someone. But…what are you going to do? Such is life.

Now, here are my feelings on the other aspect of Valentine’s. Why has it become commercial? I was at work the other day when I heard a radio ad. It said something like this: “Have you got something special for your loved one? Is your wife going to be mad that you didn’t get her that necklace she wanted? You don’t want to get in trouble for picking up flowers at the last minute. So, plan ahead and surprise your loved one by buying this.” I was disgusted. Do women really get angry with their husbands for not getting some expensive gift? I know, it happens all the time, but it’s horrible. What’s wrong with spending some time together, a hug, a kiss, a compliment, a phone call, a sincere note or e-mail? If I know the guy really cares for me, then it doesn’t matter about the rest of the stuff. I can go out and buy a necklace or a ring, but not a man who genuinely loves me (No, I’m not buying a mail-order groom. My sister already gave me a “grow-a-boyfriend” for my birthday). I wish people would be less ready to receive worldly items and more ready to give love. Isn’t that what this holiday is all about?

So go out and tell someone you love them. It doesn’t have to be romantic. Just give someone a hug and fill up his or her love canteen. Don’t be surprised if (on Valentine’s Day) I come up and give you a great big hug. If I don’t, you better give one to me!

Slacker

I feel like the ultimate slacker today. I'm tired, angry, frustrated, and to top it off, I don't feel well. Therefore, I don't want to write today. But since I agreed to this blogathon, I'm going to post something. It just might not be what you want to read. I'm going to post a poem that I wrote in high school. At my Alma Mater, there is a statue of a knight by the front entrance. In my AP English class, we were assigned to write a poem describing what came to our minds when we looked at the heroic figure. Enjoy...or don't, I don't really care right now.

Knight Poem

A fragrance of Victory!
The sword, still hot from battle.
sears a brand upon his palm.
Sweat drips down a dirt-covered face.
His knees give away,
collapsing on the ground.
Not because of weakness,
because of strength!
A gaze landing at heavenly gates.
Humility fills his brow.
Silent words pierce the sky.
A thankful prayer.
Strong arms lift the sword in triumph.
A sacrifice for God and Country.
Just as a newborn lamb, he trembles,
but slowly manages to rise.
Panic strikes!
Heart beating like a drum,
He scans the still valley,
Fearing that this is only a dream.
Quick glances confirm the truth!
This victory was his!
A sigh escapes his hushed lips.
With a rush of energy, he leaps on his horse.
Gallantly, he rides away,leaving only memories behind!

Sticks

I love Fridays. It is the one day of the week that I get to spend time with my niece and nephew. It’s incredible to feel the love of a young child. I love hearing, “AUNT ANNIE!” and then watching my nephew tear across the room to give me a bear hug. What a feeling! I watch these two adorable children and what thoughts sear into my mind? “The poor things are going to have to go through the pains of the world. The heartache of love. The insecurities that come from every day life. The lack of self worth. Finding their testimony in a world that’s fraught with opposition.” I wish I could shield them from the feelings I’ve inevitably felt. But how would they develop physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually without these trials of life. These emotions are anything but new to me. But hey, I’m a woman. When you look up the word emotional in the dictionary, you’ll see a picture of a mob of women (throwing high heels). Today was no different.

Today I saw some unique flirting techniques that have taken place since I was in high school. There are people that are much more experienced in the art of flirting. But I experienced the other side today. As I stated in a previous blog, my flirt vessel is humor or other forms of verbal communication. The key word being verbal. During class today I saw the physical form everywhere I turned. There were those lovable eighteen/nineteen year olds that were jumping on everyone (girls and guys…mainly guys). There was the constant touching (i.e. a hand on the arm, shoulder patting, elbow squeezing, hugging, etc). There were (as I’ve also mentioned before) the stalkers who are always near their current interest. But the vessel of flirting that caused me to lack self-confidence was the following: guys carrying girls around. But not just any girls, the girls that are about as big as your pinkie. The beautiful, appealing girls that cause the rest of the females in the vicinity to cower with insecurity. This “carrying” has occurred since I was in high school and it has always bothered me.

Now I understand that guys are not going to go up to a “larger” girl and carry her (cradle style) someplace. I wouldn’t want to break my back and I expect they feel the same. But I have BEEN the “heavy” girl. It’s a difficult emotion to cover, especially when you’re trying on dresses for, let’s say choir. You’re feeling good about yourself, because for the first time in a LONG time, you fit in a size 10 (a size smaller than the average American woman). You get in line behind a Stick. The Dress Coordinator says to the paper-weight, “What size are you?” The Stick’s response, “This is a size two, but do you have a size zero anywhere?” Ouch. It makes you want to run back in the bathroom and throw up. I can guarantee that I will NEVER be a size 2. And frankly, I don’t know if I want to be. This is one of the reasons it’s hard to see the guys physically flirt with the Twigs in this way. Those of us who are not a size zero are never going to be flirted with in this way (not that I want some random guy coming and picking me up. That would be a tad on the weird side. But then I’ve never been the type of girl that guys flirt with physically. And with the counsel of the prophets, it’s something I’m proud to admit).

I want to make it clear that I love Sticks. Some of my good friends fit into this category. They are some of the friendliest people and can be exceptionally good looking. My heart aches for those of us who are not, nor will ever be, in this “weight class”. To look around (as this flirt technique is taking place) and see the faces of the other girls breaks my heart. Why do guys do this? To prove how masculine they are? They’re picking up a push broom for goodness sake, even I could do that! Or is it a way of showing the “girl-in-arms” that they’re interested? I guess only they know the answer to that question.

I want to specify the fact that I don’t look down on the people who do this. They are wonderful people that I admire. I wanted to write about this to clear my mind of frustration for those of us who will NEVER experience this type of flirting, who get down on ourselves for not being pencil-thin. “It doesn’t matter what size you are. What matters is what’s on the inside.” I hate hearing that. In dating, appearances DO matter. What we need to remember is that in 50 years, the Sticks will have Osteoporosis. So, if you ever need a GOOD hug, go for a “bigger” girl. That way, you can be sure you’ll get a good squeeze. And you’ll know we won’t break in half!

Homer the Great

WARNING: If you are not a Simpsons fan, do NOT read this.

“Why can’t we watch The Simpsons, Dad?” “Because it’s a bad influence. The kids are very disrespectful.” “But we wouldn’t be. Can’t we watch it just this once?” “No, The Simpsons will not be watched in this house.”

Famous last words if I ever heard any. This is just a snippet of the conversations my brother and I had with our parents regarding that ever-controversial cartoon. We begged and pleaded to watch it just a couple times, but were repeatedly denied. So, we, being children not easily dissuaded, went to our neighbor’s house (my brothers good friend) and watched. I admit this with hesitancy seeing as we were being disobedient. We justified this by saying, “Dad said The Simpsons would never be watched in OUR house, not our neighbor’s.” It took several years before we were found out. My brother was in high school, I in Junior High. Rye was able to sweet-talk our parents into just sitting and watching one episode with us. If they didn’t like it, we would never watch it again. Needless to say, we are watching it to this day, laughing at the sarcasm and hilarious irony.

Understanding irony is definitely a key to appreciating The Simpsons. What good parent would say, “Well, kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is…never try.” A parent who taught their child to never try would be hogtied to a chair and have Parenting for Dummies thrown at their head. If any person is watching with the intent of seeing a normal family doing average things, they are choosing the wrong show. It is about a dysfunctional family and the way they screw up their own lives and everyone around them. Watching television can be very depressing, due to the immorality, language, broken families, etc. I admit The Simpsons does have a lot of these qualities that I don’t appreciate. There are in truth many episodes that I refuse to watch (I don’t watch much TV as it is). But I do admire the fact that the creators of The Simpsons have kept Homer and Marge together. Here is a couple that has more problems than most people and yet they choose to put forth the effort to make their marriage work. That’s almost unheard of nowadays on and off TV.

My brother will agree when I say that our favorite character is Homer. Dan Castellaneta (the voice of Homer) said it perfect. Homer is like "a dog trapped in a man's body. He's incredibly loyal – not entirely clean – but you gotta love him." At family functions, my brother and I quote lines from The Simpsons and other shows back and forth. It’s as if we have our own language. I’ve shared this language with my close friends who don’t judge me for having such ecclectic taste. If you are ever around my friends, my brother, and I you may hear a few select quotes. “Yar, I’m unattractive.” “You couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of the year with an electrified fooling machine!” “That guy impressed me and I am not easily impressed. Wow. A blue car!” “With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!” “Oh, so they have internet on computers now!” “What's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden.” “I want the answers now or eventually!” And there are many more where those came from. In fact, here are two more of my favorites…just for kicks. "What? Are you going to sick the dogs on me? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth, so when they bark they shoot bees at you?" “Oh doctor, I was in a magical land of fire and brimstone. And there were little men in red running around, sticking pitchforks in my butt!"

If you are entirely turned off by this blog…you shouldn’t have read it. As for my family and me, we have created cherished memories in the warm glowing warming glow of The Simpsons. Their stories make us feel a little more normal than we otherwise might. However, I still have one question I’d like to ask. “Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?”