Happy Birthday to Me...Again

This is an unexpected addition to the previous blog entry. Earlier this week my friends, Jewelsp and Janel, invited me to a movie night. The three of us were going to watch a Jane Austen flick or something equally acceptable for a “girl’s night”. Janel revealed that they had a birthday gift for me but both wanted to be present when I opened it. So I planned on a quiet evening with my gal pals. I even debated on whether to change into pajamas. How fortuitous that I chose not to change.

I am habitually on time or early to everything. I’m usually the first to parties much to my chagrin. Even when I'm intentionally late, I am the perpetual first guest. Determined to arrive at Jewelsp's house after Janel, I distracted myself. I played the piano and succeeded in detaining myself a whopping ten minutes. I pulled up at the house and Janel’s car was already there. I had achieved my goal. Jewelsp’s parents were outside doing yard work and invited me to join. I laughed and respectfully declined, offering my services for a later date. Her mom wanted to see the Jane Austen movies I had brought with me (The new Masterpiece Theater versions that came out a couple months ago. Thanks Mom!). I showed her and their daughter and then asked if I could walk in the house, seeing as they weren’t inside to answer the door. Upon entry, Jewelsp and Janel were sitting on the couch and jumped up to greet me. Her mom and sister followed me inside (I should have suspected something at this point.). I showed them my birthday present and her mom said that she might come watch the movie with us later. Jewelsp exclaimed, “But first you have to see our basement. It’s finished! We have carpet and everything.” This veritably spewed forth at a rapid pace…another clue. I thought nothing of it seeing how she’d been anxious for this basement reconstruction to be finished. I followed her downstairs and said, “New carpet! I love it. It looks…” “SURPRIIIIIIIISE!!”

I’m not sure exactly what happened but my friends were nice enough to reenact it for me later. I jumped back (I don’t think I did the “shaky thing” as my family refers.). Jewelsp’s other sister told me that I said, “Holy Freakin’ Heck!” though I don’t remember. My brain was trying to process what was going on as I took in the faces of some of my closest friends holding posters. I was blinded by flashes which added to my brain lapse. I tried to smile, though in the pictures it looks more like a grimace. Then I walked away. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, you see, I’ve never had a surprise party before. This was new territory or should I say “terror”-tory. I was terrified. I couldn’t stop shaking as they can all attest. Thankfully I didn’t cry, I composed myself and hugged all of my wonderful friends and thought how grateful I was that I hadn’t change into pajamas. I also had placed little care in my appearance since it was just “the girls”, so I was also reprimanding myself as I saw that there were guys. Not that I was supposed to know that.

I was thoroughly flattered and embarrassed having so much attention showered upon me. I wanted to climb into the pantry while they sang happy birthday. I don’t really know why. I guess I’m just not used to that much attention (I’m used to hiding behind a piano.). The cake was practically my size and there was a variety of enticing food. We spent the night talking and playing video games. It was a blast! Apparently the party had been in the works for a month. My family was in on it and had planned to come, but couldn’t at the last minute. I was astonished that all involved were able to keep it a secret (even my three year old nephew.). I am a hard person to hide things from. I have excellent deductive reasoning skills and am very intuitive when people are concealing things from me. As I look back, there were clues all over the place, but I didn’t pay attention and therefore had no idea this was taking place. They did an incredible job. In all honesty, I had daydreams of something like this happening, but thought those dreams would never come to fruition. I’ve always wanted a surprise party and those closest to me made a wish come true!

Thank you!!! As I said in the previous blog, I love you guys! You are some of the greatest people I’ve ever known and I hope we remain friends for years to come! Don’t worry, when those years come, I’m sure we’ll still have some of that cake.

Happy Birthday to Me

Today, I was overwhelmed. I have never had so many people wish me happy birthday. I am so lucky to be blessed with such wonderful friends and a loving family. Even though this is an extremely short blog, I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart! Personally, I’m thankful I was born. But I’m more grateful for you, my friends! You have lifted my life more than you’ll ever know and hopefully somehow I can do the same for you! I love you guys! This truly was a wonderful birthday!

Backward Glances

I sit in my room surrounded by darkness. My laptop is the only source of light. Okay, that’s a lie. There’s a sliver of sunshine from my window and my alarm clock is emitting a red glow. It’s making typing increasingly difficult. “Well, why don’t you turn on a light,” you may ask. I don’t want to turn on a light. That would be too easy. I’m determined to make my life as miserable as possible at this particular moment. No, I will not make typing easier by turning on my bedroom light. I will stumble with the keys, typing whatever my fingers just happen to press. Obviously, I’m familiar with the backspace button, seeing as my mistakes aren’t visible (I used said button approximately 29 times in the course of writing that sentence.). And how, pray tell, are you supposed to find the home row keys in the dark? Oh wait; there are little bumpy things where your finders go. Success!!

I write “success” for more than one reason. Reason number one: I found the home row keys. Reason number two: I discovered the cure for hiccups and am telling no one. Reason number three (and the most important to me at the moment): I made myself laugh. I came into my room extremely irritated. I was ready to dump my problems into cyber space. But laughter has a funny way of turning my views around. After I laugh, things that seem daunting become a little more approachable. Problems that I am facing tend to minimize ever so slightly. They are still there and will be until…they leave, but they seem to not have the same effect on me when I put things into perspective. Laughter is one way that has always assisted me in dealing with issues brought on by life, boys, school, boys, work, boys, friends, and most recently, men. That’s a relief; they finally went from boys to men (I think I hear a song coming on, I swear!). I’m very grateful for the ability I have to make myself laugh. I’m even more grateful when others make me laugh. My friends and I have some wonderful inside jokes that usually bring a snort or two. I’m not sure what got me on the topic of laughter. Those that know me know that laughter is a big part of who I am and it is the only thing getting me through a trying time of life. Now I shall continue on to the topic originally intended.

As I stated earlier, I entered my room in a state of irritation. The last little while, I have enjoyed being genuinely happy. But this past week, I have been feeling conflicting emotions. This Thursday I will turn 24. Yep, I’m almost a quarter of a century in age. Not quite, but I’m not getting any younger. There are few people in the world who at the age of 24 can say that they have never had a serious relationship and have never kissed anyone. To be perfectly honest, I’m proud of myself. I have saved a precious part of myself for some lucky man. I’ve heard some of my friends say how they regret kissing some of the guys they dated. I don’t have that problem. I know that when I DO get my first kiss (whether it be awkward or sweet), I will not regret waiting. Sometimes, however, I feel that I’ve wasted my time. I allowed myself to fall for a young man that I mentioned in a previous blog. He left a large hole in my heart that I was determined to hide. During the next couple years (this is what I consider wasted), I was surrounded by armed guards. No, not literally. I had a wall 20 feet high and 10 feet wide around me. That’s a BIG wall. I rarely hugged people. I wouldn’t let people (guys especially) touch me. Only close friends would receive a slight squeeze. I have since taken chunks from that wall and thrown them in the moat (I also dug a moat around myself. You see, I’m like a castle.). The wall is still there, but I have broken most of it down. I’ve even put my bridge across the moat and welcomed others into my carefully constructed sanctuary. I have shared much of myself (allowed others to see the scar left by the previously mentioned jerk and various other things) and have been received with open arms. What more could I ask for?

I have been in denial mode for a while now. I have made some wonderful friends who have lifted me in times of trial. But now, the year has ended and we are all going our separate ways. We’re not necessarily moving apart, but change is inevitable. I find it funny when (at the end of the school year, or what not.) friends say, “Let’s do stuff. We need to hang out.” Nine out of ten times it never happens. Actually, it happens for the first couple weeks and then…nothing. Sometimes the summer is actually filled with friends and fun, but once the school year starts again, old friends are forgotten. I have entered the ranks of an “old friend”. I never dreamed it would bother me. I am one of those people that moves on and never looks back. But I’m sitting backwards in my seat right now, staring at what was and wondering what my future will bring.

I like to have my life mapped out. I prefer to know where I’m going, when I’m arriving, and who will be involved in my excursion. This time of life has left a void. I don’t know where I’m going, when I’ll arrive, or who will be involved. My map has been ripped off the wall and left a hole where the nail used to be. I guess I could get some spackle and fill in the void. In fact, maybe I’ll create a mural to fill the space. Maybe instead of looking at this as an uncertainty, I could look at this as a time to get reacquainted with myself. I can turn my life any direction I wish to go. Having the map torn from me isn’t necessarily a hindrance, but rather a way to point me in a new direction to meet new people and ultimately become a better me.

Wow, laughter does help me change my outlook, even in the dark. Speaking of which, I’m turning on a light.

Happy Mother's Day

What do you write about someone who has touched your life so deeply? I can’t begin to say how grateful I am for my mom. She has always been there for me in every aspect of my life. She attended every one of my performances, except when she was too sick to get out of bed. I have had several instances where I forgot important things for school or work and she dropped everything to bring me what I needed. She is the best listener and her advice (whether I like it or not) is usually right on the money. She is one of the most loving, caring people I’ve ever met. She has such a sensitive soul and it is seen by the way she treats others. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body and yet she swears that when she dies, she’ll end up on an asteroid. If she ends up on an asteroid, I’m going to be burning in the depths of…well, you know. Always ready with a smile and a hug, she comforts anyone in need. She sacrifices so much of herself that I’m surprised she has anything left to give, and yet she keeps on giving. She is beautiful inside and out. I am so grateful that the Lord blessed me with the best mom in the world. He knew that I would need someone special to guide me through this life, so he gave me one of the best. I am so lucky to have her.

Thank you for everything, Mom. I love you more than life itself!

Vitamin D

The past week and a half, I’ve been thinking of blog topics. There are many subjects I would love to write about, but not things I wish to share with everyone. Sometimes an idea strikes me and writing comes smoothly. This hasn’t been the case as of late. I just haven’t felt like writing. That isn’t normal for me. So I decided to just write whatever pops into my mind and that could be very interesting considering I’m on medication for a sinus infection. I just got a phone call from my choir director who could tell right away that I’m battling sickness (Ok, I just had a vision of me sword fighting a horde of bacteria. And I was wearing a cape.). He instructed me to put my face in the sun; soak in some Vitamin D. So that, my friends, is what I’m doing. I started by just sticking my head out the door which promptly gave some unwelcome flies the opportunity to enter (Sorry Mom!). So I’ve opted to take my entire person outdoors.

I’m lying on a slope in our backyard typing away on my laptop (something I’ve wanted to do for a long time). The sun is shining and the breeze is rustling through long blades of grass. We should probably mow the lawn. The print of the blanket I’m on has miniature candy bars. It’s giving me serious chocolate cravings. I tried to eat the blanket once, but it just tasted like cotton. Have you ever tasted cotton? I’ve never tried to eat a cotton ball, but I bet if it was dipped in chocolate it wouldn’t be half bad. Seriously, I need to get a new blanket…and a new topic.

I love being outside. It’s so peaceful, even with the giant backhoe on the other side of my fence that just happens to be creating a mini earthquake. Pushing that aside, there is such beauty that we take for granted. A Monarch butterfly just landed on a dandelion two feet away from me. Its fragile orange and black wings are fluttering against the breeze as it rests on the bright yellow puff ball. A bee lands on a closer flower that’s not even a foot away. My heart flutters a little as I consider the fact that I’ve never been stung. Do I flee or do I watch it gather essential pollen? Do I bring attention to myself and cause it to signal for all its bee buddies thus triggering a preemptive strike? I am unarmed, therefore I will remain silent and still. A bright blue fly just landed on the grass next to me. It has big bug eyes (no pun intended.) and is quite enormous and slow. The blade of grass groaned from the weight of the blue, bug eyed wonder. No wait…that was me groaning. The neighbors’ cat just walked across my back. What am I some sort of human bridge? Now she’s trying to eat my tissue box. Finally she decided to lie on my back. I have officially become furniture. I guess that’s better than becoming the litter box.

And there you have it, the moral of this blog. Find beauty in everything around you. The world is full of small wonders and if we pay attention, we will see them. So I declare, get some Vitamin D and let small animals use you as furniture. But don’t become a litter box. That just stinks!