Questions

Have you ever battled with your mind in the wee hours of the morning? Has your mind taken over, not allowing your body to drift into that bliss we call slumber? This happened to me last night. My body was ready to shift to park but my mind switched to overdrive. And so the battle between mind and body commenced. Questions (which have been crowding in my brain) began to rush at me from every direction. Try as I might, there was no stopping them. So, I write again, displaying the internal questions which have plagued me.

We'll start with a question that doesn't carry as much depth. Why do the "Deodorant People" (I'm referring to the makers of deodorant, not those that commit to the application of said product) insist on putting Aluminum Zirconium in women's antiperspirant/deodorant? Do they not realize that there are individuals, including myself, who are allergic to the demon ingredient? There are aluminum free deodorants for men, why not women? Is this some bizarre form of discrimination? I have discovered that aluminum is strictly in antiperspirant. So why, pray tell, do they not make deodorant for women? I dare you to enter any store and find 2 sticks of women's deodorant that lacks aluminum. Then, please inform me and I will be indebted to you forever. Now, I'm not talking about the "natural" deodorants. Have you ever held one in the vicinity of your nostrils? I warn you now...don't. I will not apply anything that already smells disgusting.

Now for the dreaded topic that hovered around my head most of the night: dating. I enjoy dating...really, I do. However, we're supposed to be "finding" someone at this stage of life. How are you supposed to narrow the field if you only go on 3 dates in a 4 month time frame? And that's doing well for me. My mom always tells me that people probably think I date a lot. If this is the case, they are gravely mistaken. I would LOVE to date more! I guess my problem lies in the fact that I am a complete moron when it comes to showing interest. I pride myself in a keen perspicacity, but when it comes to guys I find attractive...it's out the window. Is he looking at me? I better look the other way, because I don't want him to think I'm one of "those" girls. You know, the ones who just won't go away. Who stare and practically stalk their unsuspecting (or suspecting) prey. Does he care if I'm a little older than he? Is he going to view me as one who may be asked advice, an "older sister", if you will. And, being older (23, SO old...sarcasm at it's finest), is he thinking "she's just not an option?" I'm lamenting about age because I'm currently in a group where most of the guys are young. Some, about to depart on missions. Others, just home. I admit that I am unabashedly attracted to a younger man (we'll call him "Dude"). Dude's not THAT much younger, but is that a problem for him? Does he even know I'm older? Maybe not. Is he interested in me? This is something I will never know. I am not a clairvoyant person. At times I wonder if he does and then I second guess myself. I can quickly recognize when a guy finds one of my friends appealing, but I'm not as keen when deciphering for myself. Be that as it may, I'm sure it's not that unusual.

How do I get out of this cautious stage? Others girls throw themselves at guys, literally. Definitely not me. Truthfully, I run away. Women have this way of batting their eyes and giving that "come hither" look. Humor is my chosen "flirt" vessel. If the guy laughs, I feel pleased. With this humor comes a facade. Do I cover my interest with witty remarks? How can I relinquish this act of covering the heart which lives on my proverbial sleeve? My gut screams that I am viewed as just a "buddy." Never as a desirable young woman. How do I (this sounds funny to me) become desirable? Never have I had a boyfriend, which certifies the assumption that I've never been kissed. I've only held hands twice (and the second one didn't count, because he was playing with my rings). I also have an aversion to asking guys on dates. In the past 6 years, every date I've been on (where I asked) my date has found his "one-and-only" within one to six months. Come to think of it, maybe I should start a dating service. "Go on one date with me and you'll find true love with another."

Next question: Why doesn't everyone have a lawn gnome? Why don't I have a lawn gnome? Perhaps there is one outside, and due to this blogging addiction I've been too busy to notice. In all honesty, I have not yet become addicted, though I can see how easy it would be. I simply needed to allow some of the questions to escape their confinement. If you have any suggestion that may help this damsel in distress, please share. Pause and rewind. Distressed isn't an adequate description. I am a damsel, but I'm not disquieted, just confused. I just need to determine whether the confusion is due to an overactive imagination or if these questions require further analysis.

Wasn't that confusing?