The End of a Very Long Day

Let me start by saying thank you, especially to all of you who have prayed in regards to my job and that of my friend, Janel. This past two weeks has been torture. Today, we had individual meetings with our boss and both took rides on the emotional roller coaster.

They have cut our hours several times over the past couple of months. They felt that it wasn’t fair to cut hours anymore. It was time they let some people go. Janel was one of those employees. I was heartbroken. Not only is she my roommate, she’s my best friend. The next couple of hours were tearful ones as we tried to make it through the day. She did an amazing job putting on a brave face. After lunches, our boss took Janel aside and said that he had been thinking about his decision. If they cut some of her hours, they could keep her employed. So the happy news is that she wasn’t fired! She still has a job! Prayers really are answered.

As for me, I still have a job as well. However, my job description has changed drastically. I now have ten times the amount of responsibility on my shoulders. This is causing me extreme anxiety. I know that I can do it, but it is SO MUCH! I truly don’t see how one person can accomplish what is expected of me. But as I stated earlier, prayers really are answered. I just need to remember that the Lord will help me. I need to believe in myself. I need to trust that I will be given the strength to carry out what needs to be done, that I will obtain the knowledge and patience to help others, and that I will be able to accomplish these things while maintaining my sanity…if at all possible. I mean, most of my sanity went out the window a long time ago. But I’d like to keep whatever I have.

Believe me, after these past few weeks, there’s not much left.

A Very Long Day

As most of you probably know I like to write stories. I enjoy trying to paint a verbal picture; to create a mental image for the reader and myself. Yesterday, I had the kind of day fit for a story. Here’s how it went.

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP. “Stupid Alarm” I groaned. Opening one eye slightly, I rolled over, slapped the snooze alarm, and yanked the covers over my head. I had nine more minutes. It was during that short period of time that the dinosaurs came back. Running for cover, my friends and I jumped into a pile of old tires. We were surrounded. There was no escape. Then Jeff Goldblum appeared out of nowhere to help us. We were extracting ourselves from the pile of rubber when the alarm went off a second time. “Jeff Goldblum? Where did he come from?” I asked myself as I turned off the alarm and dragged myself out of bed. "I haven't seen Jurassic Park in ages." I was the walking dead. My eyes wouldn’t open fully. Due to a lack of sleep, my head throbbed. Walking to the door, the world began spinning. The throbbing became more intense as I stopped to steady myself. “This is going to be a long day.”

After crawling back into bed for another 20 minutes, I felt a little more awake and decided I better hurry if I was going to make it to work on time. I was scheduled to be there a half hour before opening, which is when the order for our inventory usually arrived. Luck was on my side. I made it before the delivery guy. I greeted him and signed for the boxes as usual. I noticed a man standing in the doorway. It was a customer. We still had 15 minutes before we were supposed to open. Now you can call me callous, but I ignore people who stand at the door before opening. They can wait ten or fifteen minutes. Other businesses don’t open doors for impatient customers, why should we? I rolled my eyes and started putting the order away. My boss, however, is a people-pleaser. He saw the man, let him in, and decided to open the store fifteen minutes early. A fellow coworker and I get thoroughly annoyed by this. We come early specifically so we have time to put things away. When he opens early, there is no one else to help customers and we end up spending most of the morning at the register. Fortunately, my boss was helping the man and I was able to work on the order.

Feeling irritated, I was stacking the boxes as noisily as possible, grumbling to myself about my boss’s competence. Two other employees walked in and I decided to stop being ornery. I had two boxes left to unload when out of the corner of my eye, I saw a woman walking swiftly towards me. I looked up and instead of a face I saw a badge. “I’m from the Federal Bureau of Investigations. We are performing an investigation. Step away from the computers. Do NOT touch the keyboards. There will be no one wandering in and out.” A swarm of men and women in dark jackets followed her. They had blocked both entrances as if we were planning to run away. I glanced at my fellow coworkers and found that all of us stood stunned; rooted in place. Confused and scared to death, I noticed bright yellow letters blaring across each jacket: FDA.

‘I swear that lady said she was from the FBI…’ I thought to myself. She probably was. She acted like it, at any rate. You know the type: the authoritative feminist. She had moved past me and was shouting her commands. A man walked up to me and introduced himself. He asked for my name and then told me to take a seat. I had the distinct impression that they were performing a “good cop/bad cop” routine. Whether that was the case, I’ll never know. I sat and listened as they demanded that my boss shut and lock the doors. The main lady even forced a customer to leave, not even allowing her to purchase the items in hand. Taking long breaths, I tried to slow my heart rate. We were told that they were performing an inspection/investigation and wanted to question each of us. They said we didn’t have to answer questions, but they would appreciate our cooperation. The lady “in charge” said that she didn’t anticipate their investigation taking more than a couple hours. Then she came and asked for my name, address, position in the company, and if I would be willing to be interviewed. I complied and two other people (a man and woman) walked up to me. They asked me to follow them and we went into the hallway.

Keeping my head together was tricky. With the man sitting on my left and the woman on my right, it was hard to think straight. I knew that I wasn’t under investigation. Thankfully, I wasn’t associated with the area under scrutiny. They each pulled out a notebook and commenced the interview. She asked me the questions and they both wrote down my answers. It reminded me of something you’d see on a TV show. They kept asking me the same questions, only they were phrased in different ways. ‘Do they think I’m stupid?’ I thought as I asked for clarification on one such question. The half hour interview seemed to last forever. I found out later that the other interviews didn’t last nearly as long as mine. Why did they interview me for so long? I didn’t know anything. I suppose they were trying to be thorough. The lady said, “Go back and see what they want you to do.” I had to use great self control to walk out of the room and not run like a mad woman.

I left the interview and was told by the lady “bad cop” (who was actually nice to me) that I was “free” to leave. In a daze, I grabbed my purse and walked to my car. I stood there for a second gathering my thoughts and realized that I was shaking uncontrollably. I was shaking so much that I had a hard time putting the key in the door. I sat down and it became apparent that my body was numb. ‘What do I do now? Leave? What if they open up the store again?’ I needed to talk to someone. I needed my mom.

“Are you okay?” I tried to answer but there was a lump in my throat. Unable to speak, I started crying. “What’s going on?” she asked. I told her the horrible events of the day and that I didn’t know what to do. She said she’d come pick me up and help me calm down. I shut the phone and sobbed, fearing for my job and my now unknown future.

My nerves were shot and every phone call made me jump. I went home and remained there for the rest of the day hoping for someone to call me with news. It didn’t matter what kind of news, just something to ease my mind. Janel called me with a little bit of information late that night, but not enough to ease my nerves. I went to bed affirming what I had stated earlier, “Today was a long day.”

I wish I could tell you that I fabricated parts of this story. Unfortunately everything in that story was true. Yesterday was indeed a long, horrible day. I went to work today same as usual, but I am still unsure as to my future. My boss told me that they are facing major decisions in the next few days. I’m really scared right now. Please pray for Janel and me. We don’t want to face sudden unemployment, but if that happens…please pray that we’ll be blessed to find new jobs soon.

[Sigh]

Move On and Press Forward

Have you ever felt an overwhelming amount of love from someone as they proceeded to turn you around and give you a swift kick in the butt? I experienced that yesterday and today. The Semiannual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints just ended and I feel spiritually edified and also thoroughly chastened. But that’s what I asked for. This may sound silly to you or maybe you do the same, but I prayed that the areas where I need to improve would be made known to me. Let’s just say that almost every talk screamed, “THIS IS FOR YOU, ANNIE!” I can definitely say that my prayers are answered.

The past few months have been relatively difficult for me. I say relatively because in comparison to others, my trials seem minuscule. Many of the tribulations have been due to, well, me. Apparently, I don’t deal well with change. This past little while (amidst much change), I’ve found myself dwelling on the past and letting little things irritate me. I’ve taken offense where no offense was intended. I’ve felt alone and forgotten. The list goes on and on, but I really don’t want to share all of my many flaws with you. Luckily, I realized that I was letting Satan drag me down. He can be so good at that and that scares me. To fight against those thoughts, I have been trying to do better; to be better. But it has been difficult.

There were so many topics and quotes that struck me. I’d like to share a few things that I wrote down, because in explaining my thoughts to you they become clearer to me. Elder D. Todd Christofferson quoted President Thomas S. Monson when he said, “In the private sanctuary of one’s own conscience lies that spirit, that determination to cast off the old person and to measure up to the stature of true potential.” As I have been more “in tune” to the private sanctuary of my own conscience, I have come to know that I have enormous potential, greater than I can even imagine. Otherwise, why would Satan work so hard to destroy my self-worth? Recognizing the determination I have inside, it’s my responsibility to measure up.

So what about my irritations? What do I do when people hurt me? Robert D. Hales said, "A kind letter to the editor, a conversation with a friend, a comment on a blog, or a reassuring word to one who has made a disparaging comment; I assure you, to answer our accusers in this way is never weakness. It is Christian courage in action." He talked about being and staying on the high ground. In order to do this, I need to resist my anger, forgive myself and others (especially those who meant no offense), and turn the other cheek. But from experience, I know I can’t do these things alone. I need the Saviors help. The Atonement is not just for sin. It’s also for sorrow. I need to put those burdens on the Lord. He already suffered. He won’t suffer more.

Most of all, I need to stop dwelling on the past. As President Thomas S. Monson said, "Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey and share our love with friends and family." That also ties in to what Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said, “Learn to laugh.” In Backward Glances, I wrote about how I tend to make myself laugh. I need to use this to my advantage. Laughing is a wonderful gift and I know that it will help me find joy in the journey.

Thank you, friends, for sharing with me your trials and triumphs. Your blogs inspire me to be better and also let me know that I’m not alone in struggles. President Henry B. Eyring quoted Mosiah 18:21, “And he commanded them that there should be no contention one with another, but that they should look forward with one eye, having one faith and one baptism, having their hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another.” If we (in unity) follow the Savior, we can become what He wants us to be, collectively and as individuals. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf stated, “If only we could glimpse for a moment what the Lord has in store for us in this life and the next, our faith would never be shaken and our hope would never falter.” There are great things in store for us. We just have to move on and press forward!