Therapy Session

Writing is very therapeutic. So I decided to use this blog as a personal remedial treatment. If you choose to attend my therapy session…read on. This has been a hard couple of weeks for me. I won’t go into details because, hey, it’s my life. I’m not going to bore you with the daunting details. Let’s just say that my family has been going through a crisis, I’m experiencing the beginning of many ends, my future is unknown to me (all aspects of it), and I feel like I have no control. I have experienced every emotion imaginable. In all honesty, I have felt guilty for these feelings. I am normally a very pleasant person. I enjoy bringing laughter and happiness to others. I have felt at fault because I feel that I have been stifling myself therefore creating an injustice to others. How can I bring pleasure to others when I am so depressed? Not that I always have to make others happy and most of them probably haven’t noticed my disheartened state (My mom always told me that I’m a good actress. I wear a good mask, I guess.). It just brings me joy to make others smile and I haven’t felt very joyful as of late.

I am a perfectionist by nature. I expect the best of myself. I realize that emotions are a part of life, but as I said, I’ve felt in the wrong or imperfect. There have been times I’ve blamed others for the way I feel. Mostly I’ve censured myself for everything. It’s been a heavy weight as some of my close friends can attest. Well, today I sat down and had a good cry. It was the catharsis I needed. I am an earthly being. We’re supposed to go through these times. I’m allowed to be sad, happy, angry, frustrated, giddy, etc. There is no one to blame for these sensations, not me or anyone else. I am allowed to feel what I feel. When I dwell on a cause, place culpability on innocent individuals (myself included), and beat myself or others up, I’m just slowing down my healing process. I need to start thinking differently; reprogram my brain. I need to accept these emotions and ultimately accept myself. I have an easier time accepting others and their faults than I do mine. But the simple fact is this: I’m not perfect. I’M NOT PERFECT!!! I have faults. They make me the person I am. And you know what...I like that person!

I told you it's therapeutic. I feel much better!