Change is Hard

Have you ever given advice to someone and realized it was the very thing you needed to hear? That happened to me last Saturday. As I mentioned in my last post, I have recently been plagued with some unforeseen and unwelcome trials. I was hurt deeply. At first I thought I would be able to deal with the situation in an admirable way. However, I have learned over the years that when there is a loss, any kind of loss, there will inevitably be a stage of mourning. This mourning process has been going on too long for me. It sometimes feels as if the emotional roller coaster is going to send me to an early demise. Anger, sadness, hate, pride, fear, resentment, guilt, etc. have been driving me straight to the loony bin…in a padded vehicle…with no windows…or door handles. It’s very dark in here.

Seriously folks, I was complaining to my mom on Saturday. She watched quietly as I riled myself into an anger induced frenzy (okay, it wasn’t exactly a frenzy, but I did rile myself up). She said I wasn’t moving past these issues because I just continued to add wood to the fire. She expertly told me, “Annie, you can’t change the past. You can’t change others. You can only change yourself and the way you view and deal with things.” I agreed but continued to complain about complainers. Ironic, I know. I said, “What is the use in complaining about minute annoyances. Complaining only opens the door for more irritations to surface. And complaining to other ABOUT OTHERS only hurts you…and the person you’re complaining to…and the one you’re complaining about if they found out.” Then I paused. You know how it is when you stop in your tracks and look off in the distance; realization smacking you right in the face. Oh yes, the old adage came screaming at me: “Practice what you preach!”

I shook my head at myself. Complaining truly lays the ground work for more irritations to surface. At work, for example, there is a person and there are annoyances that work my last nerve. I would complain frequently to my family and roomates about this person and evey day I'd see more and more irritations. I finally realized a while ago that there is nothing I can do to change this person or fix those annoying occurrences, so I just have to change my attitude. Guess what? It works! This person and those little things hardly bother me now. I realized that I needed to transfer that view into this current situation. I can’t change the past. I can’t change others. But I can change my attitude, my view, and how I deal with this situation. In order to do this, I realized that I needed to stop complaining. I’m human so the odd complaint will happen. But I need to be more cognizant of what escapes my lips. I do not have power over what I have already said, but I can control what I say from now on.

So I encourage all of you to be aware of what you are saying. The odd complaint is part of life, but when it becomes excessive, it can be detrimental not only to ourselves, but to others also. I’m so glad that I have control over my actions and that I can change! Change is hard, but it can certainly be wonderful!

I'm Not Entirely a Slacker

I regret that I haven’t written in the past two months. Sometimes, life is full of moments that can’t be written about. I have had an inordinate amount of those events as of late. They are moments that I feel I am unable to disclose. It’s not that I don’t want to spill the entirety of my thoughts out into the vast reaches of the Internet. Believe me; the thoughts, feelings, and confusion alone would go on for quite a while. I just haven't been able to figure out a way to put anything into words...or if I should even make an attempt. I guess I've realized that some things are better left unsaid.

Believe it or not, I recently celebrated my 25th birthday. Yes, I am a quarter of a century in age. Inconceivable! It’s certainly weird thinking I am now in my mid-twenties. I’ll just have to wait and see what the next 75 years or so bring!

Whoa, do I want to live to be one hundred? Hmmm…something else to ponder about.