Someday

Someday I'll write more frequently. Until then, here's a list that my friend posted. It's a list of 99 things and you are supposed to highlight/bold/italicize the things you've done. I'm pretty happy with my list, however there are many more that I'd like to accomplish. But so far, so good!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language (Well, kind of.)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant...
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight – Do dreams count?! ;)
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating?
88. Had the chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

I Wish I May, I Wish I Might

I'm thinking about writing a book. I know. EVERYONE writes a book. But the other week we had a family party and my brother and I were talking in our basement. He said, "Annie, have you ever thought of writing a book?" "Um...not really." "I think you should. I can see you writing a comedy about life as a single. You have so many good, funny stories. I really think you should do it. Think about it."

That definitely got me tossing around the idea. I have been single a long time. I mean, we're talking my entire life here, people. I'm pretty much an expert at being (and staying) single. Why not? So...I'm not sure if I will or if it's just some fanciful dream. But he did open a door marked, "Possibility". It would be a big endeavor, but I love writing and it could be fun. An adventure, if you will.

Having read my blog posts, I'm anxious to know what you think about this idea. Good or bad. I want honest opinions.

To write or not to write...a book. That is the question.

Randomness

My roommates and I have developed a routine. We wake up at 6 am and go for a walk/jog. If not, we try to do something physical to help us with our weight loss goals. Even though we've had some rough patches (Rough patches? The second day, I jogged straight into a pothole and got banged up. Potholes are now the bane of my existence.), all three of us have been dedicated. Yes, we miss a few days here and there, but I'm very proud of us. I love that we are doing this together. But do you know what I love even more? The naps I take after the exercise. Yes, I take a nap before I get up and go to work. Hey! I need all the sleep I can get!

Tuesday morning, I settled down for the long awaited nap and you would not believe the stream of thoughts that barraged me. They went something like this:

'Yes! Time for sleep! Mmmmm. I like sleeping! (pause) I can't believe that Frank (I changed his name) used to date her (we'll call her Carol). Every time I like a guy, it's seems like Carol has dated him. Sheesh! And she's TALLER than the guys. What is the deal?! Does she go for shorter guys or something? Carol isn't even that tall!! I mean, what's wrong with short guys going for short girls like me? Humph! Now come on Annie. You can't get to sleep if you're thinking like this. Stop riling yourself up. Breath. Think of things that will put you to sleep. Sleep. Sleeeeeeeeeeeep. Come to me, sleep fairy or Mr Sandman or whoever you are. (sigh) Should I wear my new shoes to work? I don't know. They've got that heel on them and I might suffer after a few hours of wearing them. But if I wore the shoes, I could wear my new pants. They need to be hemmed, but I could probably get away with it in those shoes. I think I'll wear them. Jewelsp talked about buying more Pop-tarts. I hope she gets the kind without frosting. I don't like the frosting. Or do I? Hmmm...nope I don't. Why can't I sleep?! Sounds like the neighbors leaving. Why is my bedroom always next to the LOUDEST trucks in the neighborhood? Or motorcycles that leave at 12 o'clock at night. I want to sleep now. Maybe I should just watch TV. No. I'm really tired. How can people fall asleep so easy? [angry grunt] I try to think of nothing and nothing turns into a whole lot of something. [flip over and punch pillow] Stupid pillow!'

Eventually, I did fall asleep. I also assure you that those thoughts were not made up. My brain is very random, especially when I'm trying to fall asleep. Do you suffer from the same issue or is it just me? Call it my over-active brain or call it insomnia. Either way, I'm hoping it won't plague me tonight since I'm going to try to sleep now. Maybe by posting this, I will have typed out all the random and Mr Sandman will come swiftly.

I wonder if he's single...

When You Wish Upon A Star...

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Annie. She was at work one afternoon when a young, male coworker approached her. This coworker happened to be one of her roommates’ brothers. They shared some brief banter and then he went quiet. His face flushed as he mumbled that he had a question for her. Annie gave him a puzzled, inquiring look and nodded for him to continue. He asked her if she would be willing to go on a date with him to celebrate his recent acceptance into Pharmacy school. She eagerly consented and they set up a time for the anticipated date.

The night arrived. Annie found herself sitting at a square table with the young man, when who should arrive but a few of their fellow employees. With a twinge of frustration, they invited the others to join them. One of the Pharmacists sat in between Annie and the young man. Disappointment sunk in deeper when the Pharmacist and the young man engaged in conversation. Annie sighed and turned to speak with one of her female coworkers. Suddenly, the adjacent conversation caught her attention.

The Pharmacist asked the young man how the date was going. Annie whipped her head towards them with a startled look. ‘Why would he ask that right in front of me?’ Neither acknowledged that she was within earshot. In fact, they acted as if she had disappeared entirely. The young man proceeded to answer, “I really like her.” The Pharmacist pumped his fists in the air and shouted, “Yes! I knew it.” Annie, realizing that she wasn’t supposed to hear their exchange, slowly turned back to her previous conversation. She pretended to listen to her other coworker, but focused her attention on the discussion regarding her. ‘He really should be telling me these things, not the Pharmacist.’ Indirectly finding out that he liked her caused her to chuckle. Maintaining a semblance of composure, she forced back the laughter that threatened to surface. ‘What a date this has turned out to be.’

And so it was. Learning of a young man and his admiration, feeling a reciprocal attraction, Annie left with a smile on her face.

It’s too bad it was all a dream.

Stupid Chick Flicks

I sit alone in a dimly lit room watching a Chick Flick. Why do I frequent this position? Each time, I am drawn into a fantastical world where everyone finds a “happily ever after”. Oh sure, there is conflict along the way. There is never a doubt that some unforeseen adversary will enter the story. Their perniciousness is always evident to the audience and never to the protagonists. Triumphantly, love conquers all…or they die. These, we know, are the atypical outcomes. Any other outcomes are disappointing to watch. Honestly, I do not care for Chick Flicks that end in despair. But at least those are more realistic.

Each time, the male love interest professes his undying love; a love that will span the test of time. There are those fleeting moments when love is hanging by a thread. The smallest mistake and it is lost forever. But somehow, someway, they manage to work everything out. No price is too great; no problem too big. But where is the reality? I have seen love stories flourish in real life, those who meet and just...know their meant to be together (or what I call the “Saturday’s Warrior Syndrome”). I have seen rewarded patience, where one had to wait for the other and in the end, they were happily married. I have seen whirlwind romances that have actually worked. But normal courtships don’t happen like they do in the movies. And, like always, this leads me to one thought: I’m still single.

So here I sit in a perpetually single state. Most of the time, it doesn’t bother me. I’m happy with who I am and the things I’ve done. I have a career and I’m learning new things every day. Life might be boring at times, but it’s good. I have nothing to feel bad about. Except when I find myself alone in a dimly lit room watching a Chick Flick.

About four months ago (has it been that long?), I became reacquainted with an old crush. I’ve written about him a few times in past posts (aka. the Jerk who broke my heart a couple years ago and how I got over him.). Go ahead and read them if you care to know the story in more depth. We somehow began emailing over the period of several weeks. It didn’t feel like regular “friend” emails. He was seeking details in regards to my life. There was genuine interest there. My first reaction was, “What? Why are you contacting me NOW? I don’t really care to have any contact with you.” But I am a nice person. I obliged the emails and began to look forward to them. He then told me about his quandary. He needed to find an accompanist for his ward choir. They had their Christmas program swiftly approaching and they had no piano players in the area. He asked if I knew of one that was seeking a new ward. Of course, I didn’t, but knowing how it feels to be in between a rock and a hard place, I volunteered for the job. I’ll admit, it was at this point that I felt something magical was about to happen. And it did.

We practiced every week and after, we sat and talked for hours. HOURS! Everything was as comfortable as it had been four years ago. He treated me like I was someone special and yes, he flirted with me. But I thought it was weird that he never touched me. Not even a hug. Family and friends said not to worry about that. It would come in time. We shared so much of ourselves, emotionally. He had recently moved into his newly purchased home and he asked my opinion on decorations, his grand piano (sigh), and other such things. One Sunday, we spent about 10 hours together! I’ve never spent that much time with a guy before.

One week, I bought him a shovel because he didn’t have one. I wanted to be nice; to show him I cared. I used it as a celebratory gift for finishing Finals. The next week, we planned a date for that weekend but it fell through. He actually threw his back out with the shovel I gave him. Sad irony. I told him to not worry about the evening, but that I would bring him some homemade Chicken Noodle Soup. He begged me to stay and watch a movie with him. He spent a while trying to convince me (I didn’t want him overexerting himself. Company can be exhausting.) But I stayed and spent a fun evening with him, hurt back and all. Whether it be the Chick Flicks or just the fact that I’m a hopeless romantic, I really thought that things were finally working out for me. It just felt right. It truly felt magical.

Can’t you just feel it? The turn that my story is about to take? Unfortunately, I had a so-called “friend” who decided to enlighten me on some of the events going on in his personal life. She said that he was dating someone, or at least he had been two months earlier. Of course, I was shocked. But I thought, “Things can change in two months. We’re close enough that he would have told me if he was dating someone. Look at what happened last time. Surely, he wouldn’t do that again.” Well folks, he did. I found out the night following the Christmas program that he was in fact exclusively dating someone. It was so hard it was to get him to admit it. It wasn’t until I came out and asked him if they were exclusive that he actually gave me a straight answer. I’m sorry, but to me, there are lines that should not be crossed when you are “exclusively dating” someone. First of all, you don’t spend HOURS talking to someone of the opposite sex (unless they are purely a platonic friend. Even then, there are boundaries.) You don’t flirt with them either. He never once mentioned her name (which is interesting seeing as she is a mutual friend of ours.). Why was he planning a date with me and asking, no, begging me to stay and watch a movie with him if he was dating someone? She never came to the program and her Facebook status said “single”. (Of course I checked!) How in the world was I supposed to know that this creep was playing me for the fool...AGAIN?! He said that he avoids talking about her because the mere mention of her name causes him anxiety. Does this scenario seem wrong to anyone else?

I literally had no clue that there was someone in his life. As I said before, he never mentioned her. I allowed myself (after much personal struggle) to fall for him all over again. To love him. To have visions of a future that was never to be. How pathetic I felt...feel. This past few months has been so difficult. Feeling rejection again, not once but twice from the same man. It’s a horrible feeling. I laid out my feelings and asked him why he never dated me. His answer, “I don’t know. It just never felt right.” Do you know how many guys have said that to me? I’ve lost count. There is nothing worse than knowing guys haven’t dated you because they “wanted to, but it just didn’t feel right.” What’s not right about it? I’m a good person. I’m a talented, friendly, well-adjusted, Temple worthy individual. So what is so freaking wrong with dating me?

And so it was, the vision of a potential future was shattered and hopelessly I watched as it was swept into the trash. But I’m a fighter and I would not take this lying down. So I told him in no uncertain terms (very thought out and minus the normal female drama) that I was hurt and felt that there were definitely lines that were crossed. It was unfair to me and it was unfair to his girlfriend. I was proud with how I handled things this time and I haven’t had contact with him since. Oh, and did I fail to mention that this “confession” took place the week of Christmas? Yeah, Christmas kind of sucked.

I honestly didn’t want to share this story with you, my blogging friends, but tonight I felt that I needed to relieve myself of this burden. It took me several years to get over him last time and this time it was only a matter of weeks. I frankly never want to see him again. He no longer exists in my life and for that I am glad. The lingering hurt slowly ebbs. The only remnants are the reminders that Satan inevitably throws my way. I was telling my roommate last night that I have felt a significant digression in my self esteem. I know that I’m a good person, but any time you receive a blow like this you are bound to judge yourself harshly. I know, in time, I will rebuild and feel better than before. I don’t know why this happened again. Somehow, I’m grateful. The dates I went on with him were some of my most memorable. They were exciting, comfortable, and just plain fun. I look back and see how often I compared other dates to those I had with him. Now I have rid myself of that ideal. It doesn’t matter how wonderful a guy treats me if he can’t be honest. There will be no more comparisons and maybe that’s one of the reasons I had to experience this again. Who knows.

For those of you that made it this far (I can’t believe I wrote so much), thank you for caring about me! I truly appreciate your love and friendship! As for now, I think I’ll avoid the romance movies and stick with good old fashioned zombie flicks. It may not be reality but there is nothing like watching dead, decaying drones wandering around in search for brains.

Brrraaaaaaiiins.

It's In My Blood

Music. For some, it's their entire world. For others, it's just something to fill the air. For me, it's definitely in my blood. Today I was bouncing down the stairs at work. I noticed that I was unconsciously stepping in the rhythm of triplets. "Tri-pl-et, tri-pl-et, tri-pl-et." I’ve also found that when I hear the footsteps of others (or anything that has a metronomic feel), I match my mental tempo to the rhythm of their feet. Sheesh! Talk about a music geek. I really need to get a life! But if I do, it had better be up beat. (Ba-Dum, Cymbals crash!)

Seriously?!

I can't believe I haven't written since July. What a slacker! Just to defend myself, writing has been a burden. I have been extremely busy with work and my computer went to the metaphoric graveyard. I have since (this last Thursday to be exact) bought a new laptop! I am now a member of the MacBook club! I am so excited and can't believe what a novelty it is to have a laptop that works...and works well. The monitor on my old laptop wouldn't stay up. I had to prop pillows behind it or stuff material in the cracks. It was horrendously annoying. One of the first things I said to my roommates, "The monitor stands up by itself. I'm not used to this. It's AWESOME!"

And so you see, I should have more opportunity to fill you in on the doldrums of my life. There have been many ups and downs in the past six months. I wish I could fill you in on everything and maybe I will in time. But as for this post, I won't get into much. Just know that I'm alive and happy.

My job has gone through many changes over the past several months. I moved from having hardly any hours to being full time. Definitely an adjustment, but at least my wallet isn't complaining (until I bought the laptop. But hey, it's an investment!). We are moving the Pharmacy into a grocery store. It will be an adventure indeed. I'm already seeing all sorts of issues that will arise, but I know this is the best move for us. I'm excited and a tad apprehensive, but overall relieved.

So friends, if there are any still out in the vastness of the internet world, I will make it a goal to write more often now that I have the means to do so. Even though I haven't left comments, I have tried to keep updated on your lives through your blogs. You inspire me to keep moving forward and experience the life that's intended for me; to see what's ahead. Thank you and goodnight...I mean, good afternoon.